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Ying: [00:00:00] Welcome to ADHD Gathering, a podcast, highlighting diverse narratives within the ADHD community and amplifying strength from real ADHD folks. I’m your host Ying, also known as ADHD Asian Girl across all social media.
Let’s tune in to today’s show.
Welcome to the podcast Sydni. I’m so glad you’re here.
I first met Sydni through Twitter, through the awesome ADHD Twitter space, and she is one of the big creators on there handle what the ADHD. And I quickly fall in love with her, like quirky personality and her way of communicating science into regular words, and she has awesome YouTube channel as well.
So Sydni, thank you so much for being on the podcast. Could you say a word or two to introduce yourself?
Sydni: Yeah. Hey thanks for having me on. I was really excited when you said you were doing a podcast, so this is really awesome. So little about me. I’m Sydni. I I’m in my thirties. I’m a mom. I have [00:01:00] ADHD. I’ve just been really trying to create a space online for ADHD communities to learn about themselves.
And I, My main goal has always been to help other people feel less alone. I remember feeling like I was so alone before and I was so different and. I don’t want people to feel like that. I want them to be like, Hey, there’s other people out there like me. This is why my brain’s doing that thing.
Just like accessible education is really big for me. So that’s like my main goal with everything that I do. And, I’m also really sarcastic, so I throw in some humor when I can too. But yeah, that’s my approach I guess.
Ying: Yes. I love the idea you talked about the accessible education. That’s definitely something I picked up from you. I noticed you are probably the first person that planted the idea when I refer to my brain, I would say like my ADHD brain does this.
And it gives a healthy level of separation between me and my ADHD brain and understanding myself that way. But first, tell me more about how you felt before your diagnosis? You said you [00:02:00] felt very alone. Same here. And you felt different. So how did you first notice that you could have ADHD, and what was your diagnosis journey look like?
Sydni: So as a kid, I always felt different and a lot of that unfortunately came from the adults in my life. They would draw attention to these behaviors and my habits and things. So for example I was that kid with the, with a messy room and the messy desk and like papers crumbled up in my backpack and my homework.
My mom was very much a neat freak and she would respond to my messes by yelling at me and punishing me. And at school I would pull my card a lot and for those that don’t know, pulling your card, like it starts with a green card, and then if you get a warning, you have to, yeah, you have to pull the green card and then it’s a yellow card.
And then if you pull the yellow card. Orange and then there’s red and then black. And if it’s [00:03:00] black, you have to go to the principal’s office. I never gotta black, but I was always that kid that was like, Sydni, go pull your card. You didn’t turn in your assignments and you go pull your card.
You’re talking when you’re supposed to be paying attention. I wasn’t that intuitive at seven, eight years old, but like I noticed that other kids weren’t getting in trouble as. But I also thought at the same time, at home, maybe other kids do get yelled at that much by their parents.
Maybe they do get criticized a lot by their parents. That kind of just continued on through childhood and it was also really hard when I was a teenager. And finally I became an adult. Dropped outta college. The first time I went to college. Got married. Still under undiagnosed at this point.
Had a child still undiagnosed at this point. And then it all came crashing down when I had a panic attack when I was studying for cell and molecular biology exam the semester before I graduated with my bachelor’s. And I just remember I was sitting there, studying for it. And like I just started like breathing really fast and like I started [00:04:00] crying even though I didn’t feel sad, I was so confused. I’m like, what is going on with me right now? And I. Close friends and I talk to somebody should talk.
So I took my exam first and then I scheduled my appointment. I was actually really lucky. I’ve heard a lot of people, it takes them forever to get in and I wasn’t even necessarily looking for an A DH ADHD diagnosis either. I’ve become very acquainted with Google and WebMD, but,
I was trying to look things up what is this?
What’s. Anxiety came up, a DH ADHD came up with some things and I was reading about a ADHD and I’m like, wow, I do a lot of this, but that’s not my main problem right now. And then that’s pretty much exactly what the psychologist said when I went in for my appointment. I was about 25 years old, I think, at the time, and he was like, you have severe anxiety.
And I’m like, I would probably agree with that. So he started me on antidepressants and that was that first appointment. I came back I think a couple weeks later so he could check how the medication was treating me. And I actually had noticed some difference. I told [00:05:00] him that the panic attacks were actually a little more manageable. I felt a little more comfortable in, in, in public and crowds. But the issue of the focus was still there, like it always has been.
I wasn’t trying to play dumb when I was in here, but I also didn’t wanna go in and say, Hey, I have this thing, diagnose me with this thing. So I was just explaining, what I’ve been dealing with generally the focus stuff, but also I was unorganized as a child and I still am today. I procrastinate a lot.
I’m very impulsive. I talked a lot when I was a kid. I still do as an I overshare. And the thing is, I don’t know if I’ve mentioned this on Twitter before, but the psychologist that I went to actually didn’t believe in ADHD.
When I was like explaining all of this to him. He was like, so it sounds like he literally said, so it sounds like you wanna be [00:06:00] diagnosed with a DH, adhd. And I think, like I just tweeted this morning about how I have like really bad imposter syndrome too.
Like I still sometimes feel like I’m faking a DH adhd. I think that’s probably part, being diagnosed by someone that was like, oh, so it sounds like you wanna be diagnosed with a adhd. I’ll diagnose you with a adhd. He wasn’t like, oh, it sounds like you have this, you should take this questionnaire.
And he did make me take a questionnaire and it was very obvious I did, but I don’t know, it felt to me like he thought I was just drug seeking. He was like, so what do you want? What do you want for your medication? And I’m like. Seriously, we’re gonna do this. Okay. I guess I’ll try Adderall because that’s what everyone else tries.
And then that, that turned into a whole like medication titration thing. And now I’m at a good dose and everything. But that was, I initial initially my diagnosis. So I was first diagnosed with generalized anxiety and then came back few weeks later, and then diagnosed with a DH ADHD because he didn’t believe in a DH adhd.
He [00:07:00] diagnosed me with inattentive type. But now knowing what I know about a DH adhd, I know that I am combined because while many women have, or, present inattentive, A DH, adhd I kind. Really, I’m really impulsive and hyperactive and there’s too much of that for it to be just inattentive for me.
So that’s my diagnosis story.
Ying: Thank you so much for sharing your journey with me and Oh wow. It’s. It’s just so sad for me that kids with ADHD oftentimes have situations that all the adults in their life are not seeing their strength and constantly telling them like, you are not performing to whatever societal standards are. And nobody told us why those societal standards, were there to begin with. Nobody got our buy-ins. It was just like, this is the good behavior and if you don’t do it this way. Something is wrong with you.
I think that’s really hard for A DHD folks to accept. ’cause we want to have a say in the decision making. We want to question why the rules are there. [00:08:00] We want to question are they even good rules? Do we even agree to them as children? Like we have very low power, so of course nobody’s getting our buy-ins.
And yeah, sorry that it took you to go through a panic attack and psychologists don’t believe ADHD for you to get the help you need.
Sydni: I was also gonna mention how as a kid growing up, I also got a lot of the but statements on my report parts from years. They would be like, Sydney is a pleasure to have in class, but. She needs to work on her organization, or Sydney has potential. That’s like the biggest trigger statement for me.
Oh, you have potential reach your potential, but her behavior could improve and she could maybe reach her potential. As I was a kid, there was always. There was always more work for me to do and I never really understood like why I wasn’t ever good enough as I was.
I couldn’t really articulate that as a kid. I can articulate that now, but that’s definitely how I was feeling like [00:09:00] nothing I ever did was good enough for my teachers or my mother. As an adult now and as a parent now I really try to stay aware of how I’m speaking to my own child now too, and to be a little more understanding of what he might be going through based on what I experienced when I was a kid.
Ying: Yeah, since you’re talking about being a mother, I would love to learn more about how your intersectionality impact your ADHD experiences, because I know you’re a mother, I know you’re a Latina and there, and I know you have certain long-term health conditions, so there are many things, many layers to your experiences.
So I would love for you to talk more about how you think those things combined together have impacted your ADHD experience.
Sydni: So from a societal perspective of, being a minority and being a woman I’ve been very fortunate in that I haven’t experienced the sort of belittlement or discrimination in the ADHD spaces that I know a lot of minorities and women deal with. And I’m very aware of that [00:10:00] privilege and I try to leverage that to amplify their experiences and their voices as much as I can.
And then, if anything, I just want people like me, minorities, women mothers, I also have hypermobile ILO syndrome a connective tissue disorder that’s very common in people with ADHD and autism. I just want people like me to see what I’m putting out there. And like I said, I just.
I want them to not feel alone. I want them to see that it is possible to do X, Y, and Z. Hey, it’s okay that you had to drop out of college. It’s okay that you don’t have life figured out right now. This person doesn’t either and maybe she never will, talking about me, but you’re not alone. There’s other people like you and we’re all trying to figure this life out and everything’s gonna be okay.
I just want people to see themselves in me, basically. I want other people to relate to what I’m saying and feel like they have someone, [00:11:00] That’s what my goal is there,
Ying: That’s so beautiful as your vision. I felt like almost like a mission statement and then that’s something I definitely experienced of creating content in the A DH ADHD community. Like I never really created much online before. And it was quite the new experience for me ’cause I was very shocked about how friendly the community were.
I really loved the idea that people in this community a lot of times are intentionally amplifying each other’s voices, especially the voices of people who historically and now have less voice and less power.
Sydni: definitely.
Ying: We’ll take a little break from the show and talk about my ADHD coaching. So if you’re interested in accomplishing more by doing less, building your ADHD resiliency, amplifying your strengths, as well as craft your own ADHD toolbox and narratives. I’m currently taking 1 on 1 coaching clients. So feel free to visit [00:12:00] adhdasiangirl.com/coaching and book a free coaching introductory call with me. My background are in positive psychology, mindfulness, as well as lots of ADHD tried and true tools. I’m looking forward to working with you. Now let’s turn back to the show.
We talked about your I. Long journey to finish your bachelor, and now I know that you are very awesome like science geek woman. That’s how I think about you. For some reason, I’m like, she can’t explain the brain and biology into simple English sentences and I’m terrible at biology, so I really admire that.
Tell me more about how did you discover the strength of yours of doing almost science communication, science translation, as well as I know you build really awesome notion templates that’s really wonderful of organization skills, customization, probably programming, lots of different things, and you create awesome YouTube videos.
Tell me more about how did you discover all these awesome strengths of yours?
Sydni: First of all thank you for the compliments. That is that’s a [00:13:00] huge motivator to keep doing it and not give up. So starting with the science communications stuff, my bachelor’s is in biomedical science and chemistry. And I just, I think after I had my son, I, or maybe when it was when I was pregnant with him, I realized that I really like learning about science and what’s going on in the body, and it helped me understand like what was going on with him a little better.
Kind of eased my anxiety, my undiagnosed anxiety at the time. And I realized that I was good at explaining it was maybe not until grad school. So after I graduated my bachelor’s, I immediately went into grad school that next spring semester. So I graduated in winter, then I went in January to grad school and I became a ta.
So a teaching assistant, I taught biology labs and it was then I think when I realized that like I have to explain these different types of bacteria and these anatomical structures, and I have, I, and when I realized [00:14:00] that these college students were like, what is this?
I’m like, how, okay, how do I understand this and how can I explain this to someone else? And then as my son started getting older, so when I graduated from college, I think he was like two and a half. He’s eight now, by the way. He, no, two and a half and. He started asking questions like all kids do.
Like why? Why is this? What is that? What is this? What does this mean? I’ll just say for example, why is the sky blue?
I would be like. I dunno, let’s look it up. Like we would look it up together, we wanna learn it together. So we would learn things together and then if it still didn’t make sense to him, I would explain it in a way that he would understand. So then that coupled with like my teaching experience, I think really started to solidify that I wanted to communicate these complicated things to other people because when my son understands something, like I explained to him, this is how your brain is working right [00:15:00] now. He takes things less personally. He can separate himself from what’s going on. If it has to do with him and I’m like, oh, this is what’s going on in your brain right now.
It’s trying to protect you from X, Y, Z, he. He doesn’t react as strongly to things if he thought it was like all his fault or if he didn’t understand what was going on. So just working with him and then working with other people who were trying to memorize things for a lab practical, that that’s where that came from.
And then with ADHD was like, learning about ADHD is helping me understand it and helping me cope with things.
Two years ago from my own account, and I’ve always said self-awareness is like the best thing you can do for yourself.
I wanna explain ADHD to other people. I want them to understand why their brain is doing what they’re doing, what’s going on in their brain.
If you start talking about synapses and dopaminergic [00:16:00] stuff, people are gonna just, their eyes are gonna glaze over and they’re not gonna, they’re not gonna listen to anything you’re saying.
So I have to make it interesting and fun because if my 4, 5-year-old child can stay engaged with me when I’m explaining to him how his brain works. I think I could probably do that with adults too. And that’s like my goal with creating content and then with notions. So I actually used notions for the first time at the last job that I had.
I had never heard of it before. But it was this new thing. And like a lot of people with A DHD who new things are very exciting to me. You’re like, yeah.
Ying: Yep. I’m like nodding really heavily. I’m like, yep.
Sydni: Novelty. That’s oh my gosh, all the lights are going off. I wanna learn this thing. And just like learning new things. I love to teach myself things that I never dabbled with before. And then like again with the YouTube video, like I didn’t know what the heck I was doing with recording and like cutting videos and using Adobe and all that stuff, but like [00:17:00] I just mess around with it. And it really helps, like I said before, when I get compliments on it, because if I don’t get compliments on something and I just feel like I’m good at something, then I’m like, maybe I should just give up. Yeah, I enjoy it, but it’s not like paying bills. No one’s even it. I don’t know if you’re listening to this and you have a DH ADHD or you don’t have ADHD and someone that does have ADHD just compliment them on their new hobby that they’re doing, that they’re doing a really good job at.
If you see skill in someone, it takes, it costs $0 and it takes two seconds to just say, this is awesome, you’re doing great. It sounds cheesy, but that little bit of encouragement can make all the difference between someone continuing on and making it, their YouTube channel or just completely giving up.
I gave up for a couple years and when I went back and I looked at people’s comments on [00:18:00] my videos, I’m like, wow, people actually do like me. There’s some mean people out there, there’s some haters, the people that are nice, the people that compliment that take two seconds to comment like, this helped me.
That’s really what keeps me going. I love learning new things and I love doing new things, but getting positive feedback is huge for me. And probably a lot of people with d ADHD because there’s that whole, rejection sensitivity stuff that we deal with too. Yeah, just do it.
Trying all the things and doing all the things and getting compliments are definitely what keep me going with my strengths. Yeah.
Ying: Yeah, there’s just so many good threads you said there. And yes, I absolutely am all for amplifying each other’s strength. That’s why I’m creating this podcast. And yes, I totally agree with the connection and people need to be in that positive environments. That’s one of the strategies in ADHD 2.0.
Dr. Hallowell and another author wrote it. They’re saying like, it’s very important for people to have that positive reinforcement to be in a good [00:19:00] environment, and then taking on the right challenges for themselves.
We’ll take a little break from the show and talk about my ADHD coaching. So if you’re interested in accomplishing more by doing less, building your ADHD resiliency, amplifying your strengths, as well as craft your own ADHD toolbox and narratives. I’m currently taking 1 on 1 coaching clients. So feel free to visit adhdasiangirl.com/coaching and book a free coaching introductory call with me. My background are in positive psychology, mindfulness, as well as lots of ADHD tried and true tools. I’m looking forward to working with you. Now let’s turn back to the show.
And I think this is the perfect transition to my next question of creativity and ADHD.
’cause I hear so many good threads already of ADHD people somehow we keep that inner child alive. We have that wonder of why things are this way, right? So we’re curious, and then we always want to learn and do new things, and we’re [00:20:00] usually pretty good at teaching ourselves how to do the thing. And those combine together I can see why ADHD really could contribute to creativity. So tell me more about your thoughts on ADHD and creativity.
Sydni: Is it okay if I talk a little bit about the science of it?
Ying: Yes, absolutely. Yes. Yes. That’s your strength. Show your strength.
Sydni: I did a lot of research on this topic. I made a a video on it a couple months ago. So the default mode network. There are these things in our brains that are networks. It’s just a network is like a collection of different brain regions that are responsible for certain things. There are other ones, but for simplicity’s sake, I’m just gonna talk about two.
So there’s one that’s called the task positive network. And then the other one is called the default mode network. So there’s the TPN and the DMN and the TPN is [00:21:00] what is active. So imagine the part of your brain, if you just imagine it in two halves, it’s not. But if you just imagine it in two halves, that task positive network, that side of the brain is gonna light up when you’re doing things like focusing on.
Something boring taxes or writing an email or cleaning something. Just when you’re trying to focus on a task that doesn’t really have to do with anything internal. It’s when you’re like organizing, when you’re planning when you’re focusing, when you’re learning.
When the TPN is lit up, the default mode network, the DMN is supposed to be dark. It’s not supposed to be lit up. And then when the DMN lights up, that’s when the TPN goes dark or it’s supposed to. So the default mode network is active when you are. People use the word the term mind wandering a lot, this means when you’re thinking about your past, when [00:22:00] you’re thinking about the future, when you’re trying to come up with ideas when you’re remembering something, just like any internal thought that’s not related to an external task. And like I said, normally they work opposite.
But in ADHD brains, there have been lots of studies that actually show that people with ADHD have a harder time turning that default mood network off. So in their task positive network is lit up. Their default mode network is also lit up. Maybe not to the full degree of just like full blown mind wandering, but it’s also lit up.
They don’t turn it off like they’re quote unquote supposed to. So because of that. That’s where that creativity comes from because when you were trying to generate ideas, you need your task positive network to connect things and make sense of stuff and, explain why they’re connected.
And then in this [00:23:00] video I also talk about like the associative horizons. So that’s like how far your mind can stretch to grab ideas, to connect them to each other. And so people with ADHD probably have a broader associative horizon.
That’s why then we’re like, like I the other day.
Three. And then in my brain, like the Hey Ya song by Outcast just started like playing in my brain like 1, 2, 3. I’m like, can not do right now.
Like it’s ideas or concepts or memories or stimuli, like sensory stimuli that you just connect to each other. The, I’m sorry. The more narrow it is, the more focused you probably are. Because you’re not thinking about outcast songs while you’re trying to count something. But because I have that active, that really active default mode network and a broad associated horizon.
I’m gonna find that outcast lyric when I’m supposed to be over here [00:24:00] working on something else.
Right. But that’s exactly the whole idea of creativity is coming up with ideas or solutions that are out of the box, out of that box of the narrow horizon or the type of box that only a task positive network might come up with, maybe their logical solution.
If you have that default mode network in action also, then you’re probably connecting things that other people hadn’t thought of before. And that’s what I hear a lot of people with a DH, adhd, they’re out of the box thinkers, they’re creative thinkers. But then the problem with that becomes. Overwhelmed. You can get overwhelmed with how many ideas you’re having. You can get creative burnout out because like you’re way too creative for like a long time. And then it’s I have no ideas and I’m a bag of trash and I’m just gonna sit on the couch because I can’t think of anything creative at all.
Do you know what I’m talking Yes. Yes. Absolutely. Absolutely. Yeah. Wow. I have so many, yeah, I have so many ideas right now. Okay. One is that. As a creative, I’ve, heard about the book [00:25:00] of the Artist’s way and I, the idea of the morning page and , in the morning you get up and you write three pages of free writing is actually really good for my brain, ADHD brain to do a brain dump anyways.
Ying: But I always end up like maybe two weeks in getting super overwhelmed because at some point I think my brain, it must be the associated Horizon or like the default network, just keep going and then be having great ideas coming to me when I’m supposed to focus on something else and at some point it just gets too overwhelming and then give up and then I go back to that practice like a couple months down the line.
I never understood why that happened to me, and now I may have a better idea why that happened to me.
Sydni: I like that idea though. What did you say that was called? What was book?
Ying: The book is called The Artist’s Way, and the practice is called Morning Pages. It’s just essentially you get up in the morning, you free write for three page of whatever you want to write, and yeah, the. Writer. She claims that this helps you to spark ideas. You have creative ideas later on.
It’s not like you have to write about creativity, just write anything. I love the [00:26:00] practice, but I’ve entered overwhelmed through it many times. Yeah.
Sydni: So when you cycle between being really creative and going through creative burnout, like that is actually a really good way to cope with that. That’s just like a habit you probably just have to work on for me, is something that, that works.
Is I just, okay, I’m gonna show you. Other people aren’t gonna be able to see it, but I have stacks on stacks of post-it notes and like they’re actually spread all around my house too with pens. And then I also have an idea dump in my notion. Page
And basically when I get ideas, like it could be anything.
It could be like, oh, I have an idea for a notion template. I have an, I have a content idea, I have something I wanna do with the living room, with the shelves. I am starting to recognize when these ideas are coming, like I’m starting to pay attention to, okay, am I at a capacity right now or is right now a good time on this idea?
I used to have an idea and then I would just chase it like I’m gone. [00:27:00] This task I’m supposed to be focusing on is forget about it, and that’s the important one. I’m focusing on this idea that I’m gonna abandon later, so I’ve started writing them down on Post-it notes and on in my notion page, and then I leave it, if I’m busy, I leave it, it’s there, and if I wanna come back to it. Expand on it. I will. If I don’t, I have something in notion where I’m like, nah, and then I just click it and then it hides it from all the other ideas that I have. So just like I said, self-awareness, being aware of what you’re doing and when you’re doing it and if it’s distracting you and writing things down, like your idea, you could do a whole a session with it.
It just really depends on what works best for you. Try out multiple ways.
Ying: I love the idea of parking some ideas in some place and then we can revisit, and I love the idea of doing a session with certain ideas. That’s where I usually have previously struggled with is I have all these notion dumps too, but I never revisit them. Like I never go back to them.[00:28:00]
Sydni: Yeah, I I sort it so when I create the notion thing, I should make a template, like specifically for dumping ideas
for.
Sydni: So I sort it by like most recently visited or like most recently edited. So you can see what I have the most activity in. And then I just kinda scroll through them. I title them and then I look in them. Like they’re not all gonna be winners.
It’s an essential place where I can see all of them.
Ying: I love the idea of sorting and going through a central place of the ideas. Yeah. We’re coming up at time, are there any last words of encouragement or any ideas you would like to share with the ADHD community?
Sydni: I want other people to not be afraid of who they are and not, when I say other people, other people with a DH, ADHD or autism and all the neurodivergent friends out there you’re different, but that’s okay. That’s what makes you, you [00:29:00] have strengths.
Whether they were recognized in your past or not, they’re there and you have value. And if you don’t know what you’re doing in life, same. It’s okay. Like we’re gonna make it. And you’re not alone.
Ying: Love that. Yeah, love that. And if you wanna learn why your brain is different, why your ADHD brain is different, go watch Cindy’s YouTube video and she will explain it for you. Yeah.
Yeah. Thank you so much for being on the podcast. I.
Sydni: thank so much for inviting me. I had.
Ying: Thank you so much for listening to today’s episode. If you enjoy today’s episode, please feel free to drop a comment and review on apple podcasts or Spotify podcast. Or send me a DM on social media or send me an email to adhdasiangirl@gmail.com Sending lots of love to you and have a good day.