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Welcome to ADHD Gathering
Welcome to ADHD Gathering. I’m your host, Ying Deng, also known as ADHD Asian girl. I’m an award-winning ADHD coach, certified meditation teacher, and featured expert in Self Magazine. Your ADHD brain is not a problem to fix. It’s an ecosystem to understand. Let’s explore it
Meet La Sarmiento
together.
[00:00:18] Ying: today I have La Sarmiento on my podcast. Such a joy of having La here and La has been practicing the vipassana meditation since 1998. They’re a teacher with Banyan together and a contributor to the happier app. They were a retreat teacher with Tara Brach and the guiding teacher of the BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ sanghas with the insight meditation community of Washington DC.
A mentor for the Mindfulness Meditation Teacher Certification Program, and the lead teacher of the Virginia Inward bound Mindfulness Education Teen retreats. They completed the Spirit Rock Community Dharma Leader training in 2012 and teach retreats around the U.S. As an immigrant, non-binary, queer, filipinx American
La is committed to creating access to and sharing teachings and practices that alleviate suffering and cultivate true happiness and support the liberation of all beings, especially through song and laughter.
Welcome to my podcast La. It’s so great to have you here.
[00:01:21] La: Thank you, Ying. Thank you for inviting me.
[00:01:24] Ying: I know La through first Banyan and then I got the luck of having La as my mentor at MMTCP, the meditation teacher training. And we had the greatest in my opinion peer group. So it’s so great to talk to you.
We’re recording on March 4th, 2026 in the United
Finding Space Now
[00:01:44] Ying: States.
My first question is how are you perceiving this moment? How are you personally meeting it?
[00:01:51] La: Yeah. Quite a moment it is, and it’s been quite a lot of moments.
Just this past year feels like a century. Something that I’ve just really, practiced with for many years is just how do I get a lot of space? How do I just keep expanding, my heart, my attitude, my mind, to include all that’s there.
Because I find when I’m feeling a bit constricted, is when it feels like overwhelming. And so I often will take refuge in looking at the sky or being out in nature. Just a place to get more space. I’m also aware that I truly believe that our human nervous systems are not built to deal with this much stress that’s coming at us 24/7 over social media, the internet, television news, it’s just way too much.
And so in a lot of ways I try to titrate the amount that I take in on any given day and, definitely be aware of what’s happening, but, not get sort of sucked into finding out about every single thing that’s there. And trying not to feel like I’ve gotta do something about everything that’s going on in the world as an individual.
There’s only so much that I can do and to be effective in doing that. So I try not to take on more than I can. So it’s finding a level of equanimity around it all, and balance and self-care. So that I’m offering and giving and holding space for people from a generous and resourced place.
And when I’m not feeling that way to step back and take care of myself and then come back when I’m ready to do that.
[00:03:30] Ying: I love that. So having space. Literally building space around the feelings and titrating the amount of information we take in. I love that too, of allowing it to be a flexible amount and not like, oh, I have to taking this much, or I can’t look at it at all.
Like finding a middle way. Resource oneself and find a sense
What Is Equanimity
[00:03:52] Ying: of equanimity. I’m curious about how would you define equanimity?
[00:03:57] La: Yeah. Equanimity to me is the capacity to hold, as the Buddha described, like the 10,000 joys and the 10,000 sorrows. So it’s not just focusing on one end of the spectrum or the other. It really is with all that’s difficult and challenging and troubling right now. If there’s not this active, proactive cultivation of joy or lightness or laughter or connection, then it’s really hard to be with what’s challenging and difficult.
And it’s very difficult to be mindful and generous and loving and compassionate when we’re stressed out all the time. And so, as much as I can when I notice oh, I’m hangry, or I’m getting very impatient, or I’m getting easily frustrated, or, any of those things, it’s like, okay, I gotta slow it down. It’s gotta take some breaths, take some space, maybe take some stuff off my calendar for my to-do list today, just to, allow myself to just catch up. And take some time, and I’m very much like it’s important to rest. I think a lot of times when our nervous systems are jacked up, we just feel like we have to keep going.
Everything just feels so urgent. All that’s happening in the world right now has been happening all the time in different areas of the world constantly, throughout the time that human beings started walking this earth. And the certain focus that’s happening in the United States in particular, it’s like, yeah, we’re getting a taste of what a lot of authoritarian countries and the people that are within those countries are experiencing for the probably first time.
So, this is really nothing new, but it’s definitely something new here. So to me, equanimity is getting some context to what’s happening and really understanding the history, like, yeah, this has happened before. Not necessarily here per se, but something similar to the things that have been happening all over the world for millennia.
[00:05:53] Ying: Ability to hold it all and cultivate the good while we’re being mindful of the suffering. And even in the US this is probably not the first time that it’s happened. It has happened in marginalized communities before. So being able to understand the historical context for me has been really
Joyful Sustaining Practices
[00:06:11] Ying: helpful.
And you’re kind of speaking to this already, like what are some practices that are sustaining you? You’re already saying like slowing down, resting, what are some practices that are sustaining you?
[00:06:24] La: yeah, I think a lot of it is, being in community with other people. I hold a lot of online sanghas, I have in-person community that I hang out with, and not just in the seriousness of it all, but also like having fun. I think it’s important to realize that even with a lot of stuff that’s happening right now, that’s difficult and challenging, it’s actually okay to laugh.
It’s actually okay to sing and I do that a lot. I’ll dance around my house, take refuge in my little dog Bader and and just really seek the goodness. Another practice that I’m doing since there’s so much division and separation and feelings of loneliness in the world, it’s like when I go out into the world, I really try to look people in the eye and interact with them and just say hi, and acknowledge that people are there.
And I do a lot of stealth metta practice, so sending loving kindness phrases out to the people that I encounter. I never really describe myself as an activist, but I act locally and think globally. Whatever it is that I can impact or influence within my sphere, I really truly believe that, it can spread and impact others. Those are the basic practices. Just remembering the teaching of impermanence. Like this is happening now, it will end at some point. We don’t really know when that is. So also the practice of acceptance, the practice of patience.
Just having a realistic sense of what’s most important. What is something that I can actually do to make a difference.
And it can be something really small. And I tell my mentees all the time, you smiling at somebody else is a huge gift to that person. ’cause a lot of times I think we feel like our activism or our contribution has to be something huge and major, and we can’t all do that. But just a kindness that we can offer the people around us, makes a difference in how they actually feel, seen and appreciated and heard, which they may not necessarily feel in their lives, especially these days.
[00:08:27] Ying: Yeah. I love all of that of thinking about activism in such a interpersonal and local way. I think in my head when I think about activism, I’m thinking about influencing policy, calling your senators, but I never thought about in the way of I could just smile to another person that could be a small change or a small impact I can make. And same with dancing and singing , and listeners, please look up La’s ukulele, performance on YouTube. They’re wonderful. I was thinking in this tangible way of connection and joy. That’s super helpful.
And I’m also hearing the teaching of impermanence and patience and acceptance. The Buddhism really is super helpful in this moment. I really don’t know how I would survive right now if I didn’t go through the MMTCP. I’m like, what would I do? I would create so much suffering from resisting the suffering.
[00:09:22] La: Yeah,
Stealth Metta Story
[00:09:24] La: exactly. So it’s really being aware of what it is that we’re thinking, how it is that we’re feeling, what it’s that we’re experiencing in our bodies so that we can tend to it, we can take care of it. ’cause when we’re a well-oiled machine, then we can actually serve.
Not only ourselves, but each other in those ways. And I just really wanna emphasize even just the smiling at someone else, we’re sending stealth metta or loving kindness phrases to other people that it changes the vibration of the energy around you. And I’ve told you this story about, when I lived in DC nobody ever smiled or said hi when we would cross each other on the sidewalk. And I decided to do this experiment where I would send stealth loving kindness phrases to people that I would encounter. And then all of a sudden, about a year later, I started noticing people would look at me, people would say hi to me and smile at me.
And so I said to my partner, Wendy, sweetie, do you think people in DC are getting friendlier? And she’s like, no, they’re not. Well, they’re smiling at me and saying hi. And she said, it’s because you have a yes face. I have a no face. Like I don’t want anyone talking to me as I’m getting the work. So there’s something about the vibration that we emit actually from our heart that can shift. And so if you imagine, as many people, in the world doing that, that’s what we do and we send loving and kindness out to the world, is that we’re sending love, we’re sending compassion, we’re sending care. And I think we really underestimate the power of that simple act, and along with calling your representatives and lawmakers and writing letters or going to protests. Like all those things are important. But just the simplest act, random acts of kindness can really, shift the person’s perspective towards love and care. And just remembering that, we are all interconnected. We all matter. And that the cultivation of that, I think that’s what I begin to see. I don’t just see all the negative and all the bad that’s going on in the world, I also can see the good and the, courageous and the vulnerable as well.
[00:11:23] Ying: Yeah. The cultivation of the good vibration.
[00:11:27] La: Exactly.
[00:11:28] Ying: yeah.
[00:11:29] La: Exactly.
[00:11:30] Ying: Yeah, I
Identity and Resilience
[00:11:32] Ying: love that. My next question is how your many identities shape your experience and how you’re experiencing this moment or how you’re responding to this moment. And that was one of the reasons why I was so drawn to you as a mentor.
’cause you really owned all of your different, background and identities. And I just remember watching one of your Dharmma talk and you just outright admitted it you don’t read books. I was like, wow, that’s liberating.
[00:12:02] La: I don’t necessarily finish a lot of books, but Yeah.
[00:12:04] Ying: Yeah.
[00:12:05] La: Yeah. I mean, it really is for the longest, as a child when I realized like, I didn’t have this vocabulary as a five-year-old, but like, not only am I, a person of color, a non-binary person, a trans person, a queer person, right?
All I knew back then was I’m not like everybody else. I have these feelings, these attractions that I’m getting that in the world, like this is not okay, or this is not normal. And I as a child was like, how am I gonna survive in this world being the way I am?
And through many years of therapy, many years of practicing the dharma, being a student of Tara Brach who was all about radical acceptance and self-compassion. Just kind of got to this point where there’s nothing actually wrong with me. These are actually gifts that I’ve been given with all these social identities of being a queer, non-binary trans person of color.
And I think having those social identities, I’ve always been on the outside looking in. I never understood what the big deal is about somebody like me. Like I often say that all my social identities are trending right now, but not in a good way, right. And it’s definitely limited where I travel and how I move through the world. I still haven’t forgotten who I am and that’s still okay, that nobody outside of myself can dictate and take away my dignity unless I give it to them.
And so in a lot of ways, carrying these social identities within me has taught me i’ve struggled. When Trump first got elected in 2016, I was on retreat when the election happened. I was managing this retreat and everybody was upset and this was a predominantly dominant culture retreat. And I just thought to myself, this is the first time these folks are actually feeling oppressed. I know what it feels like to be oppressed. So this is actually nothing new to me. But I see wow, a lot of these dominant culture folks, cis, white, straight, able-bodied folks are like, oh my gosh, our rights are being infringed upon. This person is gonna do this and that. I’m like, welcome to our world. So in a lot of ways I feel like my social identities have really strengthened my capacity to be with challenging, difficult situations. It’s like, you can try to annul my marriage or try to tell me what bathroom to go into or, send me back to the country where I came from.
But I still am gonna be who I am. In a lot of ways I feel like it’s been truly a gift to have had, these social identities. Even though, people wanna extinguish folks like myself, that’s not on me. That’s your karma. That’s your way of thinking. I know who I am and I actually love that.
[00:14:38] Ying: that’s so beautiful. And just being able to arrive at that inner goodness of accepting yourself and knowing who you are and loving who you
Building Self Acceptance
[00:14:49] Ying: are. I wonder, are there any small practices or small pointers you could speak to of how to start this journey of self-acceptance.
’cause I do think a lot of ADHD folks struggle with this immensely, self-acceptance, self-compassion. Sometimes it’s so out of reach for a lot of ADHD folks. Given that, a lot of us. We’re given negative feedback growing up, being different, from people around us. And over time that becomes the inner voice we take on.
So I’m curious about from your experience, what helped you to cultivate that self-acceptance, self-compassion and love.
[00:15:26] La: Thank you, ying. It definitely is not like a just add water and stir, you know? It’s just
like, say these few phrases.
It just takes time, when I first learned self-compassion phrases, I thought it was a joke. I’m like, really? May I be happy? May I be peaceful? May I accept myself? To me, it’s like you can take those same phrases, but say it with sincerity.
I often will tell students of mine say these phrases, but say it to yourself in front of a mirror really wish that for yourself. And it may not feel like you’re deserving of it right now, but the more you do it, you’re basically changing the neuroplasticity of your mind, these patterns of feeling like, I’m not worthy or I’m not enough, or there’s something wrong with me.
I used to work with teenagers and teaching them mindfulness and something that I would often share with them is that, we’re constantly telling each other’s stories about ourselves and about each other, and if you’re gonna bother telling yourself a story. Tell yourself a good one.
Stop telling yourself shitty stories, like why are we doing this to ourselves? Because I think deep down inside, we all long for that sense of acceptance and love from outside of ourselves, but that’s always inconsistent or unpredictable, or you have no control over that.
What you do have control over, is having that love come from within. And what I’ve learned in my own experience is that when that finally happened, everything else was just like icing on the cake. If somebody said, oh, La you’re wonderful, you’re great, or whatever, it’s like, oh, that’s really nice.
Deep inside, it’s like, wow, that innate goodness, that Buddha nature, it’s already here. It’s just been buried underneath a lot of those stories, that we’ve been told and that we continue to tell ourselves or identify with that.
Yeah, it’s just reprogramming the messages that we’ve told ourselves. And to get that, wow. When I say that about myself, I suffer. One of my vows in my life is I don’t wanna ever suffer. And if I’m causing that suffering, then what do I do to alleviate that suffering?
So like the teaching about the second arrow, like the first arrow is the pain that you feel when you get hurt. But then the stories that we have about that pain or hurt, we exacerbate by the second, third, fourth arrow. So now I just give myself a two arrow maximum. Like I can shoot myself twice and then I have to stop.
Why am I gonna perpetuate that? And it’s just a habit energy that we just do because we’re just so used to doing that. The more we become aware of what we’re thinking and how we’re feeling, it’s like, oh, does that serve me? Or does that not serve me? If it doesn’t serve me, then how do I need to tend to myself, towards something that does.
[00:18:07] Ying: Yeah. At first it might feel a little forced and then, but the more we do it, the more the new pathways are being traveled in our brain. Then hopefully, eventually that happens. And I do think that’s also why sangha or practice communities are important.
’cause sometimes it is hard to access that level of love and compassion by ourselves. But if we’re in a loving community, there are other folks who are seeing us as we are and accepting us, like that for me really is how I think I access more of the love and compassion and being able to hold onto that model and then somehow cultivate that within myself as well.
[00:18:45] La: Yeah. Exactly. So it is truly like unconditional love. To not have that for ourselves and then for each other, it creates that sense of separation. And so, a litmus test for me is what I’m saying or what I’m doing, creating more connection or separation.
Then I need to adjust accordingly. So how do I bring this back towards coming together rather than pushing apart?
[00:19:10] Ying: We will be right back. First, if today’s episode is resonating with you, I’m available for one-on-one coaching for ADHD adults who are ready to stop forcing and start building a life that actually flows with their brain. My approach is mindful, strategic, and multidimensional because you are more than a to-do list.
If you’re curious, there’s a link in the show notes to book a free discovery call. I would love to connect.
I
4 Engaged Practice Check In
[00:19:34] Ying: love that. And you’re speaking about this already a little bit earlier, what are some engaged practice or value driven actions look like for you right now? You already said about doing the stealth meta, which I love. What are some other engaged practice or value driven action look like?
[00:19:50] La: I’ll start off with saying I have these four questions that I will often ask myself, especially when I’m feeling stressed or overwhelmed: is my heart open or closed? Am I feeling connected or disconnected? Am I suffering or am I free? And am I feeling empowered or disempowered in this moment?
So if my heart is closed, I’m feeling disconnected, I’m suffering, and I’m not feeling empowered, then I’m having a really hard time. And so the practice in that moment would be like, okay, I need to disengage from maybe connecting from others. Because I’m not in a place, I can probably get easily irritated or annoyed or frustrated or impatient from this place.
And so how do I resource myself, and that could be walking out in nature, just sitting and breathing, maybe taking a nap, hanging out with a friend, going to a movie, whatever it happens to be. Just something that breaks that cycle and just kind of slowing it down.
Usually those questions help me gauge like, where am I right now? What am I actually experiencing in this moment? And I ask myself that throughout the day. Like, am I okay right now? Or am I upset about something? Did I get pissed off by the news again?
And also something I do Ying is the way I language things. A lot of times people will say, oh man the news makes me feel upset all the time. And I often will say like, wow, when I listen to the news, I get upset. And so there’s a very subtle difference in that because when we say something makes me, it’s totally disempowering.
I’m allowing this entity outside of myself to impact how I am. Versus okay, that’s what’s happening and this is how I’m responding to it. And so that kind of languaging makes a huge difference. And so that way too, I don’t get so identified with the thing, like when I say like I’m an angry person. It’s like, you know, anger is actually moving through me right now, or fear is moving through me right now, or impatience or joy.
But it’s nothing that’s me and so when we identify the way, I’m a depressed person, or I’m an anxious person, or I’m a rageful person, then we feel bad about that because then we think it’s who we are, but it’s not, these are just emotions, thoughts, feelings, sensations that are just moving through us.
And the less we can identify with that the less suffering we’ll experience.
[00:22:14] Ying: I love that. So it’s like the continuous check-in with oneself throughout the day. And then to gauge of like, oh, can I engage in a healthy way or should I pull back and resource oneself as well as this practicing skillful language of not getting super identify with whatever is arising, as well as acknowledging that we have the agency to choose our response to what’s happening.
I think that’s a huge part of what mindfulness helped me is, I like to say my A DHD brain did this and that is I’m acknowledging it’s part of me, but it’s not all of me.
[00:22:56] La: Mm-hmm.
[00:22:56] Ying: Everything I have is not identified by that one label, but it is part of me.
Yeah. So I like to create that subtle distinction of, oh yeah. Oh, I see that. Yeah.
[00:23:08] La: Yeah.
Absolute and Relative Truth
[00:23:11] La: And it’s that distinction between the absolute truth and the relative truth. It’s like when people say we’re all one, yeah, we’re all one on the absolute plane, but on the relative plane, we don’t treat each other that way. If anyone is different from quote unquote what is considered the norm in any given culture, whether it be around gender, sexuality, race, et cetera, then those folks are meant to feel bad about themselves and it doesn’t have to be that way.
And so in the relative sense, it’s not about holding onto your social identities for dear life, but to get like, yes, I do carry these social identities and there are ways that I get discriminated against or put down or, legislated against, because of that particular social identity.
And that’s something that we need to address and not transcend to this. Like, oh, but we’re all the same. We’re not. Quite honestly, we see this every day. Folks are being treated differently just based on the color of their skin or who they love all these different things.
And so, yeah, being able to make that distinction that we aren’t our identities and we are at the same time.
[00:24:14] Ying: Yeah, absolutely. And it reminds me of what you said earlier of having the multitude of identities helped you to see having the observer view a little bit easier. Oh, what are the stories people are telling about me. And I have a hypotheses of why I think a lot of bipoc meditation teacher or Buddhism teacher, tend to be having multiple marginalized identities, like the multiple ways of being othered. And that actually makes it easier to see oh, all these social conditionings are just a social construct. Like why do we have to follow them? And then at least for me, it makes it easier to question things, oh, this is just one culture one way of doing things in this particular time.
[00:25:00] La: Mm-hmm.
[00:25:01] Ying: doesn’t mean it always has been this way , doesn’t mean I can’t question it.
[00:25:04] La: It’s like we’ve kind of been here before, what’s going on right now. When we think about during the civil rights movement. It’s kind of like, wow we move forward, we evolve, and then we devolve. And I’ve always described healing as like a jagged lightning bolt line versus like a linear like from point A to point B.
We’re gonna two steps forward, three steps back. We’re just human, sometimes get caught up in these old patterns, that harm don’t serve, but we cling, because of fear of whether it be losing power or losing authority.
When people get threatened that way, they double down a lot harder. When you have new guests to the dinner table, it’s like, we want you here, but we want you to be like us. We want you to assimilate rather than we actually welcome you and we are open to what it is, that you offer and would like to share.
[00:25:53] Ying: Just recognizing the suffering in other people that also helps. Yeah,
Hope in Affinity Groups
[00:25:58] La: Mm-hmm.
[00:25:59] Ying: I’m curious about what are you seeing in your community that’s examples of resistance or, sources of hope. What are you seeing that’s inspiring you?
[00:26:09] La: I hold both a Bipoc and LGBTQIA+ Banyan group, spiritual friends groups and, these affinity groups creates a level of safety that’s not experienced in more mixed groups or when it’s a more of a dominant culture group.
I think those groups right now in particular really need that kind of holding that kind of, sense of like, wow, I don’t need to explain myself or I don’t need to educate other people about my experience. Just to feel that sense of being seen and respected already for who they are, so that when they do go out into the wider world. There’s a stronger sense of, belonging, and claiming their belonging regardless of who’s around them.
And so what I’ve seen in my groups is more of a freedom to say what they need to say, like about actually how they’re feeling without fear that someone’s gonna question their experience or diminish their experience. And so that’s really what I’m finding in a lot of the affinity communities that I belong to.
And I’m also seeing in the wider community, just how many people are allies. How many people actually really care. Like the example of Minnesota where, folks are really taking good care of their neighbors, and bringing them groceries ’cause they fear going out, and just living their lives.
We don’t need to live in these , segregated pockets all the time. Sometimes we need those in order to feel strong enough to be a part and trust ’cause there’s historically ways that, we just couldn’t have trusted other people to understand us or be there for us.
And so I think it’s a real process of learning how to just be together in community, and doing it in ways that feel supportive, and feel connecting and also growing a greater sense of understanding, between communities.
[00:27:58] Ying: Yeah, absolutely. I’m so glad that there are places that folks can be themselves without having to explain.
[00:28:05] La: Mm-hmm.
[00:28:06] Ying: I think that’s why a lot of ADHD folks find a lot of healing in communities. Like, finally, when I attended ADHD conference, it was hilarious in the hanging out time, not the conference time, the amount of talking amongst each other and overlapping audios is hilarious. ’cause like everybody does that and we’re like, this is normal. And then everybody gets overstimulated at some point and we retreat and everybody understand okay, this is just part of the process and there’s no amount of explaining that needs to happen.
So I’m really glad that there’s places for BIPOC and LGBTQIA+ folks who are able to just name how they feel in this moment and know like that will be held and then going back into the world with more love and I imagine feeling more resourced.
[00:28:53] La: Yeah, and learning, in a lot of ways what has helped me is to not take a lot of stuff that I hear outside of myself personally. If I internalized or personalize everything that’s been said to me, then I would be a very miserable person. A lot of it is people’s projections, assumptions, discriminatory beliefs et cetera. And so it’s really knowing where I end another person begins, knowing what’s mine and what’s not mine. So that I don’t take on other people’s judgments or, beliefs if they don’t necessarily jive with what is true for me.
[00:29:28] Ying: Like cultivating that inner compass, inner roots of who we
Working With Judgment
[00:29:36] Ying: are. And I’m also curious about like in a similar lane, but the other side of the coin, like how do you practice not judging other people? I think that’s the trap I’m
[00:29:44] La: Oh, I have to do that. You can’t judge me, but I can totally judge you.
[00:29:48] Ying: It’s so easy for me sometimes to get that like, oh my God, how could this happen? And then you know, that trickle down into the judging and the othering and separation. So I’m really curious about how do you practice with that?
[00:30:01] La: Yeah. So it’s just kind of noticing. It’s a very primal response. Somebody attacks me, I’m gonna attack them, and so to get out of that, primal aspect of our brains and get oh, okay, lets just slow it down a little bit.
We just get like, what’s going on here? It’s like do unto others. The golden rule. If I don’t want others to judge me, then I really have to watch my tendency to judge others. And quite honestly, ying, it’s like judgment will always arise. But what we do with that, awareness is really what matters.
Like I can have a judgmental thought, but I don’t actually have to verbalize it or I don’t have to act on it. And so it’s like, wow, noticing judgment. Without having a judgment about the judgment, you know, it’s like, it’s like, because we had the judgment, then we’re like, oh man, I suck. Like I’m a really bad person ’cause I had this judgment. Then I just judge myself. Right? It’s just never ending cycle. So it’s like, oh wow. Just noticing that judgment arose. Or I just generalize this particular group of people, or I have some sort of bias in this sort of way.
So it’s really good to be aware that that’s happening and then okay, so I’m aware that this is what has come up, what do I wanna do with that?
It’s just like thoughts, our minds just generate them. Our minds just generate judgments.
Not necessarily us being malicious or mean. It’s like, wow, interesting. That came up. Do I actually believe that? Do I wanna believe that that’s where we have choice in terms of choosing. That’s our freedom. It’s like we get to decide what do I do with that judgment.
And does that judgment want me to, separate from that person or actually find a way to connect with that person? And if I can’t connect with that person, not a problem. Maybe you just don’t have the capacity or desire in that moment. You don’t have to, but just don’t cause harm, as you’re working that through.
[00:31:51] Ying: Yeah. I love that there’s a range of responses of like, at least don’t cause harm. We don’t
[00:31:57] La: Yeah.
[00:31:57] Ying: always like the other person, or being able to connect , but at least not cause harm. I think that helps.
[00:32:04] La: And then we are gonna cause harm, and then we take responsibility for that. We hold ourselves accountable to that. We make amends for it. ’cause it’s gonna happen. In my family, and in the ways that I would talk to my partner, Wendy.
Are you sure you’re a Dharma teacher? Like they would take your certificate away. You’re licensed to be a mindfulness teacher. Yeah, I’m human. We’re all human. And so to give ourselves some grace, definitely take responsibility and be accountable and at the same time, just know that we’re not gonna be perfect or we’re not gonna get it right, or we’re not gonna be skillful all the time.
It’s okay. As long as we can, take responsibility for the harm. And repair in whatever way you can.
[00:32:44] Ying: Yeah. We try to do no harm and accept we are humans and we will repair and own the responsibility. I
Closing Blessings
[00:32:52] Ying: love that. And as we come to an end, are there any micro practices or well wishing that you would like to send to the world or to all beings in general?
[00:33:03] La: Oh yeah. Thank you. I actually wrote up some. I think would be helpful in terms of just given how everything is right now to remember, our innate goodness and the innate goodness of others. I’ll let the phrases speak for themselves, but if your listeners would just like to take a moment, to just ground in your body if that’s accessible, and if you can just take some deep breaths to settle a little bit after our conversation today.
And if you wish, just connecting with your heart by placing your hand over it and knowing that your innate goodness resides in you always, even though it may feel difficult to access at times. And I offer these phrases that we can carry into the days ahead. May we be extra gentle with ourselves and loved ones at this difficult and challenging time.
May we have compassion for ourselves and others when suffering is present. May we trust that we are not alone. May we have the courage to reach out for support when we need it, and may we offer support from a generous and resourced body, heart, and mind. May we trust that we’re doing the best we can in each moment.
May we have humility, take responsibility, and make amends when we cause harm. May we discern with wisdom what is true, and act as skillfully as we can. May we forgive ourselves and each other for our humanity, and may those causing harm be held accountable for their actions. May those experiencing harm in any form be free from suffering. May all beings in all directions without exception, awaken and be free.
[00:35:07] Ying: Thank you. Hmm. Thank you La for this time together. It was such a joy talking to you and just learning about how you’re facing this moment, how you’re going through this has been super helpful.
[00:35:22] La: Thank you, Ying. It’s really great to be with you and your listeners. Take care.
[00:35:28] Ying: Take care.
Thank you for tuning in to ADHD Gathering. If this episode spoke to you, share it with someone who needs to hear it. You never know whose landscape it might open up.
And if you’re ready to go deeper, come find me.
There’s a link in the show notes to book a free discovery call. I would love to connect.
Until next time, take good care of your ecosystem.
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